When you hear the phrase 'party like a rock star,' I'm sure images of drugs and sex immediately come to mind. My life as a rock star certainly fits that description, and for more than two decades, I've enjoyed all the special benefits that come from rocking out on stage in front of thousands of people.

My name's Lanz and I'm the lead singer and rhythm guitarist for a band that's been together for more than twenty years. We started out, five of us, three guys and two girls, all high school friends, doing what most bands do, playing free fairs and festivals, hoping to sell enough homemade CDs and T-shirts to pay for our gas to the gig. Early on, we played a lot of cover songs, you know, Pink Floyd, Metallica, Rush, that sort of thing. What we really thrived on were our original jams and we worked those in whenever we could.

At one of our concerts, a local promoter heard one of our tunes and invited us to play at a jam band competition. Weeks later, we were slotted to lead off the all-day event. Going first was not a good way to win because the audience at the end of the night decided which final bands would play for the title on Sunday.

Nonetheless, we jammed out from 9-10 on a Saturday morning and we were pretty tight. The pavilion lawn was maybe a third full, and we knew immediately we had no shot at playing on Sunday. Needless to say, there was no second performance for us. But we hung around the next day, talking with other band members, and enjoyed the music that was blasting off the stage.

That's when we caught our break. A tour promoter was looking for a jam band to fill in as an opening act for Phish in a few days. He had heard us on Saturday and thought we had the sound he was after. Pretty soon we were jamming out a downtown arena packed with Phish fans. They loved us and we got invited to pick up a few more dates on the tour.

We started opening for other bands, too. Widespread Panic. Mickey Hart. You know, real jammers. Quickly, we put together a professional studio album and it did ok. We began to get a following and it wasn't too long before we were big enough to be the main attraction. We released another album and planned our first headline tour.

Two days before our first gig on a 30-stop tour, our drummer quit. He'd been fighting with a girlfriend and when she left him, he left us to try to win her back. A real bullshit move on his part, and we had to scramble to find a replacement.

That's when we met Mick Kason. Mick is a legend. He played for years with big jam bands and filled in regularly for many others. He was in town for the weekend to watch our show and our agent set us up to meet him. We clicked and the rest of the tour, Mick handled the drums like a real professional. Mick helped us to live the rock star life on the edge, without falling over it. He was a real veteran. Grizzled and getting old, but man, that guy is still full of kicking rhythms and experience that really helped. He knew what it was like to enjoy life, but he'd seen a lot of his friends destroy theirs and he insisted on playing mentor to us. Thanks to Mick, we could party like rock stars and not end up dead or in prison, though honestly, there were times we almost did anyway.

Over the years I enjoyed a ton of lovers who were only with me for one night. Gushing teens and their horny moms all seemed to want a piece of anyone in the band, and our female members got all the action they wanted from the dudes and their dads who followed us around. We had groupies, guys and chicks who seemed to show up everywhere, willing to suck some cock or eat some pussy. Anything, really. Whatever we felt like doing, there was someone there willing to do it.

Mick hired us a guy early on to work backstage to screen the potentials who sought us out. He did ID checks and kept out anyone he knew we'd immediately say 'no' to. Niles knew his job and he did it well. I never complained when some hottie or smoking milf headed back to my dressing room or knocked on my hotel room door.

And so, yes, I've had a lot of one-night-stands that I never saw again, and hopefully made a lot of women happy while I got my rocks off.

The one that really sticks with me is probably not the woman you would expect. We were doing a gig a few years back in Atlanta and had just left the stage after the second encore to smoke joints and relax on the bus before heading over to the hotel. Niles said to me “Looking for an Ender?” Ender was what I had named the women I'd eventually sleep with. Niles knew how to pick them, and the redhead the night before had nearly caused me to miss the bus.

“Not tonight, man... I'm just looking to groove out tonight, wanna try out a new lick playing in my head, kinda take it easy, dig?” Niles nodded and headed back inside to hustle out the hangers-on who were vying to be my Ender. I lit up a joint and passed it to Hector, our lead guitarist. The joint was soon over to Sheena, the double-bassist, then to Katie who was our musical wildcard. She sang lead or harmony, playing everything from banjo to keys to brass. Anywhere she put her fingers or lips seemed to sound joyous. Same was true with men and women, and Katie and I had a few rolls together over the years.

Mick was absent and we figured he was probably meeting with some fans before heading in for the night. The bus would wait for him, so we kicked back and lightly jammed acoustically as we worked out a new tune.

Two joints and an hour later, Mick finally showed up and asked me to step outside a minute. I saw this older lady with coppery white hair, wearing a very tight black dress on her thin frame. Mick introduced her as Helen and told me that Helen really wanted to meet me, so he had escorted her to our bus. That was all the back story I got, so only later would I wonder what Mick knew when he handed Helen off to me.

Mick jumped on the bus and I was left alone with the older lady.

Helen and I made some typical small talk about the concert, and she told me she'd seen us several times live. As we chatted, my buzz was running mellow and calm, and I started doing what I always do, sizing her up, looking at her curves. Wondering what she'd look like with my cock in her mouth. Pretty much what I do with all the women I meet. Old habit I'm not willing to break.

White, tan skin, tall, and thin for her height, I figured her for mid-to-late 60s, though her body, at least in the dress, screamed 25. Very small chest, no bra, nipples pointed straight out from her little cones and pushing out her dress. Her face was very attractive, think Gloria Steinem on a good day. Google her, go ahead, I'll wait...

I noticed her bright emerald eyes, the way they played against her copper-white bangs, and felt myself start to get hard. She mentioned she used to follow the Dead and my interest picked up, being a former follower of the Dead myself. “When did you follow?”

“Oh, a long time ago, you don't want to know. Before the Dead I followed the Beatles. I ran away at 15 and moved with my boyfriend to England and lived in his van. It was a blast. The Dead touring was better. Better drugs, better sex, just a lot of great fun and smooth rides.” Helen smiled and looked away, and I could see her blush a bit. I imagined some hot night on the tour came back to her, and it got her going again.

“I know just want you mean, I did the same for a few years instead of going to college. Great drugs and great sex. Hey, you want hit a joint? I'm sure they still got one going in there.”

“I'd love to. If they don't I've got a couple with me.” My kinda chick!

We jumped on the bus and I introduced her to everyone. We passed the joint and lit another, and a great conversation of past tours and our wild teen years had everyone feeling really mellow and light. I felt great. Helen was a fantastic conversationalist and she had us all laughing with some of her stories.

Way too soon, the arena management asked us to please head off to the hotel. I wasn't ready to part with Helen just yet. “Hey, Helen. We've got to head over to the hotel, but it's still pretty early for us, you up for hanging out? We can get you a ride back to your car whenever you need it.”

“Sure, you guys are great. That would be fun.”

We closed off the back room so as not to smoke out the driver and kept passing the joint while the bus rolled a few miles to our hotel. The hotel had a lounge and a nightclub, and we opted for the former which had an open section of cushioned seats. I bought drinks for everyone and we rejoined our conversation. Helen bent over to dust off a seat and her slender ass stuck out nicely in the tight black dress. A small indentation ran from the crack of her ass between her butt cheeks. My dick throbbed a couple of times and threatened to rise. She smiled back at me and sat down.

I learned that Helen had lived as a nun for two years, sometime after she followed the Beatles but sometime before she followed the Dead. “Not that I believed any of the bullshit they told us was 'true', but I thought I needed to stop myself from enjoying my life, I thought maybe I was a sinner at heart. I made it two years. Two very long, frustrating years. I was supposed to be chaste and never masturbate. The chaste part I barely managed. The 'never masturbate' part lasted three days.”

We all laughed along with her. I couldn't stop staring at her emerald eyes. “And so, I decided that I was going to die anyway, so I'd much rather live my life for me and enjoy it. So I did. I got a gig doing music journalism and did it well enough to invest a bit in a few artists, and when those paid off I focused on investing in the discovery of new talent and pretty much never worked again. These days, my money's all handled for me, so I just hang around with bands and smoke pot.”

More laughs. Helen's nipples were erect again, pointing at me from across the table. Mick excused himself for the night, and Hector went with him. I sat talking with Helen, Katie, and Sheena for another hour before my bandmates called it a night. When they left, Helen scooted over beside me and took my hand between hers. “Look, Lanz. I'm not going to bullshit with you, we're both too busy for that. I find you very attractive and I'm interested in going somewhere more private. If that's not what you want, we can just sit and talk until you head in and I head to my hotel.”

I just grinned. “I'd like that. Before you came over to the bus, I wasn't feeling it. But I gotta say, you've been great company.” I pulled my hand from hers and ran my hands onto her inner thigh. “Mmm... Yes, great company.”

Helen smiled and we quickly made our way up to my suite. Inside, I made us some cocktails while she found some music. I heard a Dead tune kick up and was grooving as I brought her the cocktail. “I've got a sweet bong, interested in a hit or two?”

“Bring it on,” she grinned.

We smoked pot and drank our cocktails and danced to the jams. She 'slipped' and pulled me onto the bed next to her, bringing her lips to mine. We kissed and rolled on the bed and I began rubbing her tits through her shirt. Helen's little peaches fit nicely in my palm and I stroked her nipples through the dress. I ran my hand down her front, outer then inner thigh, feeling her bucking her hips against the contact. Pulling her up a moment, I slid off her dress and looked at her naked flesh for the first time.

Two small breasts, pointed straight out, tan without lines, and a small, thin silver bush between her legs. Not only was there no bra, Helen wasn't wearing panties, either. She looked delicious, so I slid my mouth down to a nipple and sucked her in with my lips. She moaned. Helen ran her hands around my back and head, drawing me to her. She pulled at my shirt and sent it flying across the room.

My hands slid between her thighs and I petted her bush. Her hips rose to meet my hand and I slid further down, feeling her wetness. Helen's pussy was wet. Dripping and slick. I slid my fingers through her wetness and parted her labia. I penetrated her with one, then two fingers, finding she was surprisingly tight for a women her age. I pulled my fingers from her snatch and smelled them. Ripe musk, pungent and strong hit my nose and I felt my dick get very hard. Sliding my digits in my mouth I tasted Helen's slickness. A bit creamy, a bit like dry wine, a hint of sweet, Helen's cunt tasted wonderful and I quickly buried my head between her legs.

I licked her vagina first, sliding my tongue between her lightly-hairy labia. Her lips stuck out and had an open flower shape, labia laying out a bit and facing my mouth. I licked them up and down, savoring the juices covering the flesh. Inside I poked my tongue, tasting and feeling her sex, smelling the rich aroma of her crotch. Helen was moaning and rocking strongly by now, and it was all I could do to stay buried between her legs.

I moved up to her clit and circled it quickly, sliding up and down the good-sized nub. Helen tensed up and held my head against her crotch. I slid two fingers into her pussy and stroked her as my tongue lapped like a kitten. My pinky touched her anus, wet and sticky from the dripping pussy juices and I dropped my mouth down to her tight backdoor.

Helen's butthole was clean, but like most that I've licked, hers still had the raw taste of ass that rarely goes away. That taste always turns me on and I lapped at Helen's asshole, sliding my tongue into her tight but yielding hole. Helen bucked and moaned. I ran a hand to her clit, pressing my nose into her vagina. She moaned louder and thrust her hips against my hand and mouth. “Lanz... I'm cumming... yesss... I'm cuuuuummming... oOOOHHH” Four quick hard thrusts against me and she was there. “UUHNNNNN... uuUUUHHnnn... uuUUUUHHnnn... Uuuuuuhnn... uhhhn... uhhhn...” Her thighs clamped hard around my head, boxing my ears, and I had a tough time keeping my hand on her clit and my tongue in her ass. She rode me for several seconds before her orgasm waned and she relaxed her grip on my skull.

“I want to taste you now...”

She slid me back on the bed and spread my legs, moving in between. She yanked down my cords and mewled as she saw that I, too, was not wearing underwear. My cock was erect and she fisted it a few times before plopping it in her mouth. Helen sucked my cock like a pro. I don't know if she gave me the best blowjob I've ever had, but I doubt there were many better. She gave me just enough tongue, just enough squeezing, perfect suction. Helen had clearly sucked a few cocks in her life, and I was enjoying that practice.

Up and down she rode my cock with her mouth, drooling saliva all over and rubbing it into my balls. Helen seemed to like my shaved pubes and kept running her hands over my smooth skin. She cradled my balls with her other hand while her tongue lapped the head of my penis. Back inside, her welcoming mouth took me deep and I felt her nose touching my skin. She held herself down on my cock, deep-throating me for several seconds before a small gag made her slide off a bit.

Back into rhythm, she kept fondling my balls while her mouth brought a tingle rising in my shaft. Helen stroked and sucked and sucked some more. She seemed to want my cum and I was willing to give it to her. I grabbed her head and fucked it while she sucked, feeling the burn slide up my penis and out the end.

I came in her mouth, spurting seed deep into her throat. She swallowed like a champ and when the next spurt hit, she swallowed that, too. I thrust into her, holding her head against me, the head of my cock in her throat. I ejaculated twice more, directly down her throat, she didn't even need to swallow. I felt my flow slow and now just dribbled onto the back of her tongue, my penis leaking still in her mouth. Helen mewled around my cock as it finished depositing cum inside her.

I felt like I came a gallon and had a moment of regret that I was suddenly tired and not up to fucking Helen tonight. I started to ease her off my cock, but she locked on, sucking my cock like it was oxygen, gripping the base of my dick with her lips and keeping me inside her mouth. My dick throbbed, still a dribble of cum sliding out and down her throat.

My hardon didn't go down and soon Helen was sucking me all over again. All the times I've shot cum in some chick's mouth, I've never had her keep me in there and keep my dick hard like that. Damn, she was good.

I started fucking her mouth and she knew I was ready for more. As she straddled my hips, I reached for a condom. She paused and looked a bit disappointed, but she soon had my cock covered and slid me into her vagina.

Her hot pussy fit like a warm glove. She wasn't tight, of course, but snug, comfortable. Very pleasing. Her vagina gripped my cock with just the right pull as she fucked me from above. Helen slid her wet snatch up and down my condom-covered penis and she moaned and panted like she was in heat. I played with her tits, teasing her nipples before slapping her tits. She moaned loudly with each slap, so I alternated smacking her left and right breast, soon leaving red skin behind. She pounded harder with each slap and in moments she was cumming on my cock.

“nnnnnUUUUuhhh... nnnUUUUuhhh... nNNUUUhnnn... nnnuuhhnn...” Ejaculate shot out of her cunt and flooded my stomach. Her pussy clamped so tight I thought she was going to yank the condom off. As she shuddered, her cunt spasmed, sending several shots of squirt onto my dick and balls. By the time she was trembling to a stop, she'd soaked both our genitals and left my cock hard and ready for a new position.

Helen slid off me and smiled. Her emerald eyes and coppery white hair were both glistening and she looked like she'd just done a couple hits of X. “Fuck. Yes. Keep fucking me, Lanz. Goddamn, Keep fucking me.” I turned her over on the bed, her head on the pillow and feet almost hanging off the end. Her little ass stuck up a bit in the air and I slapped it hard a couple of times. She screamed with delight and panted heavily.

Straddling her hips I slid my condom-covered penis into her pussy from behind, noticing the difference in how her cunt felt at this angle. Tighter in some spots, slicker in others, I grabbed her hips and rode Helen for several minutes. Thrusting in and out of her, I began to lean forward, putting more and more weight on her ass, each pound against her smacking into her butt cheeks and bringing a grunt from her throat.

I slammed Helen, feeling her getting close to orgasm. Her moans grew and her body tensed and I pounded into her purposefully and deeply. “uhN... uhN... uhNn... uhNNn... uHNNN... uHNNN... UUUHHHNNN.. OOOHHHHFUHUHUHUHUCK...” Helen's orgasming body slammed back at me as hard as I pounded her and my cock was squeezed out halfway through. She shuddered and twitched beneath me. My cock felt so hot I had to check to make sure the condom was still there. It was.

For about a minute.

Helen reached back and took hold of my cock. “Goddaaaam Lanz, you fuck me good, yeah? Ohh, fuck... How about... You wanna fuck my ass without a condom.”

My normal answer and the one Mick couldn't stress enough was 'no', but that night, I wanted it very much and I gave in to the temptation. “Fuck yes.”

She yanked off the condom and I slid down to lick her asshole. Around her hairy, puckered hole I tongued and kissed, licking her cunt juice from her ass cheeks. I probed with my tongue, tasting sweat and sweet cream and the bitter taste of ass all at once. It was exactly what I wanted. After pushing saliva into her tight hole, I rose up and retook my position.

Cock in hand, I put the tip against her backdoor and pushed. My cock slid into her gently yielding asshole. Helen's head rose as I penetrated her ass, and I knew she could feel the burn as her anus opened wider. I paused a moment, about half-way in, to spit on my cock. I pushed in more and leaned forward to press my body over Helen's. I had her completely underneath me, my weigh pressing down, with the focal point deep in her ass. I rooted inside her, my balls resting against her cunt, and I moved around my hips to enjoy the way her hole gripped my shaft.

I started humping her, gently at first, but when her body started pushing back, harder and faster. Soon I had her tight hole churning out froth and the smell of anal sex drifted to our noses. I inhaled and kept pounding.

In. Out. I fucked her ass hard, slamming her experienced and burning asshole for several minutes, only pausing to adjust my position occasionally. I slid my hands under her body and hugged her from behind, my cock ramming straight down into her butt and my fingers taking in her small boobs. I gripped her body, holding it tight, feeling her shudder and hearing her grunt every time my cock bottomed out.

I pounder her, much longer and much harder than most of the women I bang. Helen wanted it. Needed it. She was loving it, and so was I. The tingle was starting to burn up my shaft again and I had had no doubt where Helen wanted me to cum before she moaned. “Cum in my ass... fuckyesfuck... cum... in... my... assssss...” I pounded steadily, feeling her asshole stretching around my cock, my penis deep in Helen's bowel.

Holding her tits and raising up on my toes, I slammed four quick times and started cumming in her ass. “Fuck. Yes. Fuck. Yes. Cumming. Fuck. Cumming. In. Your. Assss...” I ejaculated hard, spewing my seed into her guts, squirt after squirt sliding out of my cock and firing into her bowels. Helen moaned as I filled her butt, humping against me as I pounded. My cock twitched, shooting jism deep inside her ass, only slowing down when my balls were completely drained.

My dick hummed, the tip tingling and warm, held deep inside Helen's ass. I'd filled her with my cum and lay on top over her, my dick still deeply penetrating her tightest hole. I felt her ass squeeze and shudder, then squeeze and not let go. We lay like that for a long time and Helen kept her anus gripped tightly around my cock.

I stayed hard.

Soon, she was moving her hips against me again, forcing my cock to slide in and out of her ass. My balls descended a bit and slapped against her hairy cunt. I started thrusting inside her ass again. Her opening felt loose, probably sore, but she kept fucking me with her hole, so I pounded away. The frothy mess grew as my sperm slid out around my penetration, a brownish-white smear in a ring. I smelled ass mixed with sperm and my cock throbbed and approach another orgasm.

“I want another load. I. Want. Another. Load. In. My. Asssss. FUUUCKMEEEE..” Helen screamed and I pounded. Her loosening hole let my cock slide around a lot and I slipped out a couple of times. Helen reached back each time and put me back inside her ass, bringing her hand to her face to smell and lick the mess.

I pounded away watching her clean the mix of semen and her bowels and felt my balls tighten. “Here it cums... Fucking cumming... Cuuuummmiinng... inyourasssss.... FUUUHhhUHhhhUhhhUhhck” My cock exploded again, ejaculating strongly with a much smaller load.

Semen rushed out my dick and filled her ass, Helen moaning loudly. I felt her hips twitching as I came, and felt her body tense and orgasm. “uhn... uhn... uHN... uHNNN... uHNNNnnuh.. uHNNNnnUUhhnnnUUHNN...” Her ass spasmed as she climaxed, working the remaining sperm out of my shaft. My cock drained loosely inside her butt, her hole a frothy, loose mess, and this time, she didn't try to keep me hard. Good thing, I think I'd have had a stroke before much longer.

Helen wore me the fuck out. We lay like that a while, my dick semi-erect in her ass, my sperm leaking out slowly from her opening. We panted and rubbed each other's bodies. We were both sticky with sweat and other bodily fluids when I finally lifted off of her. We lay side by side, panting slower, cooling down and smelling anal sex and warm cum in the room air.

Helen slid down the bed and started to put her clothes on. “You could stay here, you know. Catch a cab in the morning.” She smiled and slid her dress over her thin body. I knew my cum was still leaking out of her ass.

“Thanks, but not necessary. I want to get back to my room tonight, something I have to do in the morning.” She leaned in and kissed me. “And thank you, you were just what I needed.”

I kissed her back. “Anytime. Seriously, anytime we're in town, look me up. You're one helluva woman, I'd meet you for drinks or more any time.” I gushed a bit too much, I know, but that's what I felt at the time. I grabbed a pen and paper and jotted down my private number and the number for Niles, our screener. “Call me or Niles whenever, whenever you want.”

She took the card and slid it into her purse. We kissed again. I smelled her sex all over her body. Ripe, sweaty, cummy smells surrounded her in that thin dress, and I wondered why she hadn't gone to wash off before leaving. “Maybe I will. For now though, farewell Lanz. It was a blast.”

She was gone. I fell asleep quickly and was lost to the world for a long time.

We've played Atlanta a dozen times since then and she's never called. I look for her in the crowd, check the groupie lines, Niles looks for her too. But she's never called and I don't know why. I've got a lot of theories but none of them worth going into, they're just guesses at this point. I think Mick knows her but he always denies everything and changes the subject.

I've slept with a lot of women since then, though none nearly as old as Helen. Just once, just once more I'd love to see her, even if just to talk to her. I only got a fraction of her life story, and I wanted more. I got a lot of her body, and I still wanted more of that. We'll be back in Atlanta in a couple of months and I'm sure I'll look for her in all the same ways. But I've pretty much given up hope that I'll ever see Helen again. That makes me a bit sad. I think I'll write a song about Helen... Another song about Helen...